Diva Cup Trials, Pt. 1

CONTENT WARNING: For those you are immature, squeamish, or have a hang up I don’t have time for, this is your trigger warning for girls on toilets, girls without makeup, girls sitting in chairs so that their double chins show, bathrooms, anatomically correct language, and menstrual blood.

 
Moving on…

 
As a continuation of my series “No, Thanks”, which focused on my decision to be surgically sterilized, I would like to continue the journey by talking about what comes next. When I opted to be surgically sterilized, I also allowed them to remove my Mirena IUD. The unfortunate side effect of this will be that now I’m going to bleed, and I’m going to hate it. Because tampons are costlydangerous, unsanitary, and wasteful, I was excited to take the revolutionary Diva Cup for a spin!

If you click here, you can watch several wonderfully concise little videos that will tell you all about the Diva Cup. However, I was sold after watching this video, which is longer, and lays it out pretty thoroughly.

The Diva Cup, essentially, is a small silicon contraption that replaces every tampon you will ever use again. Yes. Every. Single. One. It folds into a comfortable shape, is inserted vaginally, expands gently inside the lower half of the vaginal canal, and stays in place all day to collect your flow. When inserted correctly, you shouldn’t even need a pad for backup on heavy days.

Even though my menstrual cycle is my worst enemy, I was understandably thrilled to try something that would keep tampons out of my life until the day I die. So, without further ado, I am finally bleeding again and it’s time to rock and roll!

Warnings for this video include a fat girl in frumpy pajamas with bad hair sitting on a toilet and using anatomically correct words. Also a brief glimpse of a fat roll.

 

 

In this video, I touch base after an afternoon of successful insertion has gone by.

 

 

At this point, I still have a pantyliner for science, but I am confident this will go quite well. My Kindle tells me I filmed the first video at 1343 on 7 March. I’m going to pop in again at the eight and twelve hour marks, to put the 12-hour protection promise to the test!

 

Later that night…

 

The time is 2223 and I have had the Diva Cup comfortably inserted for nine hours without complication. I would have come back an hour ago, but I got distracted because my buddy dropped by to help me make (and eat) seitan. Also he brought cider, which is a sure fire way to make me socialize. I can’t tell how my flow is going because I don’t have the constant sensation that a tampon is descending, engorged with blood, or that the string is becoming wet and cold, because, ya know, fuckin’ blood.

I feel fine. Crampy, but fine. When I visited the restroom just now, there was a thin line of very light brown discharge on the panty liner, and great deal more on the toilet paper, but no sign of blood. Earlier today I was bleeding enough to put a spot in my brand new yoga pants before I got home to my Diva Cup, so I assume there’s still activity in there. We won’t know until removal. See in a few hours!

 

And now for the grand finale!

 

The time is 0037 and I can’t wait any longer to go to sleep, so here is my final video update for my first full day using the Diva Cup! Content warnings definitely apply.

 

 

Thank you for staying on board! My next entry will cover my first full day of work using the Diva Cup, which will tie together with my first-day-back updates for post-surgery. See you then!

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About RicoChey

I'm just an unmarried, childless, thirty-something high school dropout with big ideas and a small attention span. Weave drunkenly behind me as I meander through my own life: a winding path of musings on life, relationships, food, the few politics I can stomach discussing, and probably really dumb stuff like the ratio of Sex and the City episodes wherein Carrie does and does not appear to be wearing extensions.
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